Dear myself

If you are reading this then they were right in the news. I am too old now to read written news though my eyes are good enough. Yes, good enough is the term. Good enough to see the armrest of the chair. They said on news that time machine is theoretically possible and it has been conceptualized. I started sailing high on hope. I have so much to tell you. You won’t believe this but I found out that only person who will be with me from my first day till my last will be you. No one will understand me better than you. I want to talk to you about so many things. Even if I die before the time machine comes to existence, the future time traveller will find me before my death and he will take me to you.
But they dropped the bombshell within minutes. They shattered my hopes. I don’t clearly remember it but they said that, because of some paradox, I will not be able to meet myself​ or alter the past. But I had so much to tell you. Thanks to this voice to text software, I could do the next best thing. I wrote this letter to you in hope of the time traveller delivering it to you. The envelope contains both the place and time of delivery. I know you don’t have the technology to read today’s memory devices. That’s the reason for this printed letter on paper. Oh! I had to spend a fortune to get this piece of paper. Trees and paper are extremely rare these days. Do you remember that guava tree you used to climb during summer vacations? You will realise when you become me that even memories of a tree can make you smile. I went to a tree park two years ago; I haven’t seen a tree since.

Do you know what my biggest regret is? How would you know? You are yet to feel the regret. I am sorry. I let you become me. I don’t know when exactly this happened. It was a slow and subtle process. You transformed into me. You were left behind somewhere. Step by step, the ‘me of then’ became ‘me of now’. You thought that you were chasing your dreams. But I realised it the hard way. Those were not your dreams. Those were implanted. You didn’t realise it then but those dreams were mere reflections of the world and people​ around you. You thought them to be yours. In chasing those borrowed dreams, you became me. In gaining those heights, you left behind few bags. The ‘real you’ was packed in one of those bags. I wish I could have stopped you from becoming me.

Your success will know no boundaries. This is not a motivational quote because I know the truth. I have seen it all with my eyes. But you will never dance with joy the way you did when your father gave you your first cricket bat which was more of a wooden plank than a bat.  You will never treasure anything more than those seven marbles which you hid from your mother. Few days ago, I found my old photograph in one of those tattered files I still preserve. I mean your photograph with the bat. I really can’t explain why I cried like a kid seeing it. Can you recall how you did lose that bat? Or those seven marbles which you always kept in a box? I bet you can’t. Neither can I. You lost them because you were busy in becoming me. I realise the insignificance of those daring dreams now being overwhelmed by the memories of the moments which slipped like dry sand. Your eternal chase for happiness overlooked the basic rule that happiness was immersing yourself in the moments surrounding you. I wish the time machine could bring me back those trivial moments of existence.

You don’t know this. But you were never wrong. You were always right before an unknown fear of failure, society, customs and even your own image made you change your mind. You were always right in your heart before the calculative mind took over. You were right when you thought of bringing that puppy home. You were right when you thought of giving your cycle to that poor boy. You were right when you thought of not pursuing higher studies. You were right when you thought of wearing that outrageous outfit. You were right when you thought of asking out that girl. You were right when you thought of going back to the land of your birth. You were right when you thought of quitting your job. You were right when you thought of running around in muddy water. But you always changed your mind. And someone else didn’t. Trust me, he doesn’t have to search his younger self to undo the wrongs of the past.  You had to become me.

I know nothing will change even after your reading this letter. Remember that paradox thing I told? You have only present to play with. Once present has become past, you can’t change it. Laws of nature, my dear myself. You transformation into me has been set into motion. The proverbial river of time is moving forward in its course. I can only create ripples in the river but can’t reverse it’s flow. Time always corrects its course. I have many more things to say but I am too weak physically to be awake and speaking till late hours. My eyes are involuntarily closing. I can’t help it. I wish you live while you still can. Please do me a favour. Ask the time traveller, who delivered you my letter, to go further back in time and bring me those seven marbles. I never got to play with them.